5 completely crack explanations for S04E18
by Anniehow
Summary: Five completely crack explanations for the last thirty seconds of “Kindred prt1”. Hopefully soon to become AU. Team fic.


Summary: Five well thought-out, character-exploring, intricately plotted, well-researched explanations for the end of SGA's S04E18. Not.

Warnings: Gen Crack. If this isn't rendered completely AU by Kindred prt2 I am going to seriously doubt TPTB's sanity. Couln't be more crack-y if it involved penguins. Also, in dreaded script-format.

Spoliers for Kindred prt1 but stubbornly 100 spoiler-free for all future episodes.

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is property of MGM, Sci-fi channel and the true creators (which don't include me).

* * *

1 _The Hoffans did it (but Michael's secretly behind it, I'm sure)_

Carson: What took you so long? Did that clone really fool you for three and a half years?

Rodney: Are you saying that a civilization that couldn't engineer a little retrovirus on their own actually managed to clone you, bring the clone to adulthood, give it all your memories and make a switch within the two months you worked on Hoff?

Carson: I never lost hope that you'd catch up to it eventually. _Beams_ Hey, where's Ford and Teyla?

Bekett!Fans: Oooh, angst! _cheer!_

ooooo

2 _The Replicators did it (but Michael stole it)_

Rodney: _pointing accusing finger_ The readings from my scanner say that you're not Carson! You're a Replicator!!

Carson: No! I'm flesh and blood!_cough_ Held together by nanites _cough_ Would you mind busting me out anyway? I don't like it here.

Rescue Team: …

Carson: I'll make it worth your while! I'll come work for you.

_Long pregnant pause, where everyone agonizes over the terrible choice before them_

Sheppard: All righty, then.

Bekett!fans: _cheer!_

ooooo

3 _The Quantum Mirror did it (as used by Michael)_

Carson: What took you so long? Wait a minute, who are you? _points at Sheppard_ Why isn't Colonel Sumner here?

Rodney: Oh God! The captivity has rendered him insane!

Carson: uh… Major McKay? What happened to your New Zealand accent?

Sheppard: _talking over Rodney's spluttering protests _I think I see where this is going.

Carson: _sadly_You're not from my reality, are you?

Rescue Team: _shake heads_

Carson: But then… he must have really smashed the Quantum Mirror… they cannot come for me and I can't go back! I'm stuck here forever!

Bekett!fans: _cheer!_

ooooo

4 _Michael did it All By Himself_

Carson: I didn't really blow up in that explosion. Michael had set up the whole thing and was lying in wait to get me. He passed over the city with a dart and scooped me up at the last second.

Rodney: _waving hands like windmills _We buried your body! I gave an eulogy in Scotland!!

Carson: I guess you buried the bomb expert in my place.

Shappard: Crap. We did only send one body back. I completely forgot about what's-his-face there.

Rodney: I still find it a little hard to believe that Michael could have organized that ploy and that no one noticed the dart flying around the city.

Carson: If you prefer we can say that he cloned me and switched us during that whole debacle on MPX 302, when we set up the humanized-wraith colony.

Rodney: And _how_would he do that?

Carson: I may have stocked my portable lab a little too well.

Rescue team: …

Carson: Look, do you want to split hairs or do you want to be glad I'm back?

_Long pregnant pause, where everyone agonizes over the terrible choice before them_

Rodney: Ok, then.

Bekett!fans: _cheer!_

ooooo

5 _No explanation, lots of emotions (and anyway Michael did it)_

Rodney: Carson! We thought you were dead!

Carson: Well, I'm not!

Rescue team: …

Carson: Are we gonna get out of here or do you want the full explanation now? It's very long and convoluted and bends the laws of physics worse than any bloody Black Hole.

Rescue team: …

Carson: It's a Plot Hole, ok? Can we just be glad I'm back and go now?

Rodney: Yes! Of course- I'm- it's- we'll- _splutters_

Ronan: _gives the Doc a bear hug_

Sheppard: _represses his emotions_ Buck up, and let's head back to Atlantis.

Bekett!Fans: _cheer!_


End file.
